I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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