I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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