then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
