Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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