are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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