I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
