she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
