Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
