Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
