You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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