ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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