I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize