i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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