If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
