you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
