Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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