great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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