no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
