having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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