How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just cropdusted the office
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
