god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
