Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
