I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
