I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
