They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
