too bad you live with your parents still
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
