im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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