this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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