i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
