Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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