I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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