yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
