I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Even my vagina gasped.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
