jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
