just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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