I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
