i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
