i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
