if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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