hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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