She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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