I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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