how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
