TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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