What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
