somebody snuck up and got me drunk
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize