I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
