I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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