i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
