Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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