He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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