we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize