Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
