home. puking in laundry basket.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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