The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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