My pussy is not your playground.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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