How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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