And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
