he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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