we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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