either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
