Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize