drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
