i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need water and some morals
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