No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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