You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i out mim tonsoeep
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
